For “The Golden Bachelor” and other singles of a certain age, there may be bad dates and false starts. But romance can be infinitely better after decades of life experience.
When Janet Ha, 65, first tried online dating in February, she found it “confusing and weird.”
Her son’s 20-something ex helped her make a profile on Bumble, but all of her initial matches were focused on hooking up.
“I had checked ‘something casual’ — because I didn’t think I was looking for a relationship — but I didn’t realize what that meant on Bumble,” Ms. Ha said, laughing.
She quickly learned to navigate the app, but still wasn’t sure what she wanted. Her nearly 30-year marriage had ended in divorce, and her children were grown. “I just did not want to have to take care of anybody anymore,” said Ms. Ha, a teacher from Minnesota who plans to retire in the spring of 2024
Dating among older Americans is in the spotlight thanks to the upcoming premiere of “The Golden Bachelor,” which follows Gerry Turner, a 72-year-old widower, on his quest to find a partner in a “Bachelor” spinoff show featuring singles age 60 and older. (Ideally, Mr. Turner has said, a “high-energy” partner who might like pickleball or golf.)
Though reality TV is unlikely to reflect the typical experiences of older single people, millions of them are looking for love — and their stories are often overlooked. Older daters face all of the challenges their younger counterparts do — burnout, ghosting, gaslighting — but many of them have found that dating can be infinitely better when you don’t have as much to prove.
The prevailing narrative surrounding the growing number of unmarried older adults tends to focus on the risks of isolation and loneliness. But Sindy Oh, a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, said she was struck by how different dating can be for her older clients because they have a much stronger sense of self. “They have accepted who they are, and they are presenting themselves as is,” she said.
‘Mind-blowing Sex’
Though Ms. Ha’s introduction to online dating was inauspicious, four months ago she swiped right on Mike Ecker, 64, a divorced electrician from Wisconsin.
Had they met when they were in their 20s, Ms. Ha said, “I don’t think I would have been attracted to him, and I don’t think he would have been attracted to me,” describing herself as a “city girl” and Mr. Ecker as a “rural guy.” But their rapport formed easily and instantaneously. Whenever Ms. Ha matched with someone, she asked what song the person was “vibing to.” Mr. Ecker sent “Invisible” by Trey Anastasio. It felt like a sign, as Ms. Ha had been thinking a lot about the invisibility of older women.
On their third date, Ms. Ha drove three hours from her home to his so they could spend the weekend together. They have spent nearly every weekend together since, playing Yahtzee and cribbage, cooking and having what Ms. Ha described as “mind-blowing” sex. (The secret, she said, is good communication.)
“We are really open to talking about everything in a way that I have never experienced before,” Ms. Ha said. “I used to be afraid to show who I really was in a relationship before, because they might leave. And I don’t have that at all anymore.”
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